The Joy of My Heart

If you had to guess...if I asked you, "What brings me (Jenn) the most joy in my life?"  What would you say?

I know what I would say, "Being able to do what God has gifted and equipped me to do.  Doing what my heart desires."  Well, wow, isn't that vague!

But if you had a little time, I'd tell you what exactly that means to me.  

If you had a little more time, I'd tell you what that looks like in my life.  

And if you were in for storytime, I'd tell you what has brought me joy most recently.

FOR THOSE WITH A LITTLE TIME-What does that mean to me:
I absolutely love building relationships.  I believe God has given me gifts to be able to do that.  My heart craves deep relationships with people.  I enjoy getting to know people, really know them, their struggles, their praises, their strengths.  I embrace opportunities God gives me to encourage people to grow in their walk with the Lord, to seek Him in the hard times.  Doing those things bring me joy.

FOR THOSE WITH A LITTLE MORE TIME-What does that look like:
Coworkers/friends and teenagers/students.  

Sidenote: My world here in Singapore is very much an ICS bubble.  So all the people that I spend time with either work at the school, attend the school, or are parents of students who attend the school, so essentially everyone I hang out with is in the community of ICS.

Back on track: Most of the time I invest building relationships is with teenagers.  It is for that purpose that I believe God has called and gifted me.  If you were a fly on the wall of my office, you would see many teenagers come through my door to chat, hug, or hang out over the course of the day.  It makes me happy. Very happy.  Over the course of the years, my ministry has consisted of random hanging out, Starbucks, sleepovers, lunch in my office, Bible studies, doing homework, basketball games, dinner, chat sessions-just to name a few. :-)  Not much brings me more joy than doing these things knowing that their and my relationship with the Lord is growing.  My heart bubbleth over.

FOR THOSE WHO WANT STORYTIME:

My ministry in the states looked quite a bit different.  Less intense (time-wise).  Mostly because my opportunities for ministry came from Sunday School.  But those girls...oh those girls, :-) the joy is the same.  I wish you could catch a glimpse of the joy God gives me when I'm able to invest in teenagers.  Precious.

Sidenote:  Some people are called and equipped to evangelize.  Some are called and equipped to disciple.  Those that increase the quantity of the Kingdom (by evangelizing) get the same joy and passion as I do in increasing the quality of the Kingdom (by investing/discipling). 

Back on track: When I moved to Singapore I had to let go of my ministry in the US...say goodbye to a group of girls.  It ripped my heart out.  Left a huge hole.  Those girls, none of them, will ever be replaced.  Each special in their own way.  But I knew I couldn't go on with this hole in my heart.  I needed to find a way to minister here, and although I knew it wouldn't fill the hole, I knew it would heal my heart because it is what God has called me to do.  

In my first year here ministry looked like movie nights and dinner with a group of girls.   Just spending time with them, loving on them, building relationships with them, and talking to them about their walk.  It was a sweet beginning. :-)

In my second year ministry developed a little more.  There was still that large group of girls that we hung out, etc.  But I began a small-group Bible study with 4 of them.  4 very different, beautiful high school girls, who loved coffee, Subway, chatting.  We learned about the Attributes of God and how that affects/impacts us.  We also looked at many "one another" verses.  Thinking about that year brings a smile to my face...and usually then a sad face and a tear.  At the end of the year, most of the girls from the large group graduated or moved and half of my small group moved.  Talk about another heart-wrenching experience...another gaping hole (or several rather).  I took it pretty hard.  I decided that I didn't want to open up and invest anymore because people would just leave! :-(  I pouted.  A LOT.

In my third year (last year), I pouted.  I refused.  There were still some big group things, different dynamics, different girls, just not as often as years past.  There were lots of tears.  (One of those pouty, tear-filled days earned me handprints painted on my office walls.  :-) )  It took me a couple of months to finally suck it up, but eventually through some people, God whipped me back into shape.  I knew I still had the 2 from my small group for one more year (there were seniors), so I better not waste it.  I grew to love those 2 even more...and more.  Because of how much time I was able to spend with them, I came to love them more than I was willing to let myself.  I knew how much it was going to hurt when they graduated.  Months before, I would already start crying in anticipation. Yes, I'm aware, I'm somewhat an emotional flake.  So when graduation came, it hurt again.  A LOT.  Ugh!!!  I wouldn't say MORE than last year, because I lost more girls the year before, but it hurt different.  There was more depth in these two relationships.  1) They were the only two in the small group this year.  2) I had two years to build the relationship with them.  3) When they graduated, it meant I didn't have any girls left from the big or small group. Devastation!  

They made me promise I wouldn't stop.  That I wouldn't close up my heart.  I sure wanted to!  But I knew I couldn't...for God's call...for my joy...for the girls that need the opportunity. So I prayed. A LOT.  For strength.  For love.  For God to show me who.

So this is my fourth year.  It's January.  From August to December my ministry looks vastly different than years past.  My office is similar.  Kids in and out, hanging out, chatting, etc.  The building relationships is there, but different.  No large groups like the first two years.  No small group like the last two years.  Just randomness.  God's planned randomness.  Nothing I attempted seemed to work.  I kept praying.  Nothing.  Just randomness.  God's planned randomness.  

In November after a basketball game, God urged me to go talk to one of the girls in the crowd.  I know her, have for about 2 years.  I've been praying for her, because boy does she need it!!  I'm relatively close with her family.  If you looked at the girls in my life, she wouldn't be top the Most Likely to Agree to Bible Study with Jenn list. So when God urged me to go talk to her and ask her start meeting with me, I knew that I would need a lot of prayer and so would she.  Hardest shell to crack- that was my prediction.  She is a glass half empty kind of person, for whom life has not been easy.  I encouraged her to think/pray about it and let me know.  I knew better than to press, so I just waited.  Prayed and waited.  A couple of weeks later, just before I was leaving for the holidays, I got an answer= yes.  I told her we'd have to wait a month until the new semester.  Keeping my composure until I walked away, I bubbled with glee and happy tears.  

Yesterday I saw her in the "hall", gave her a hug, and encouraged her to drop by my office today.  I was surprised and pleased when she came by after school and hung out with a couple of girls.  I was even more surprised that when it would be just us, she stayed.  Happiness.  She started chatting and began to open up.  Praise be to the Lord. I count it a small miracle!  The Lord answers prayer!!  As I walked out of my office that evening, I was on cloud nine bubbling over with joy.  It had been so long!  

I'm covering this time and opportunity with prayer, and seeking yours as well.  I want my words to be the words the Lord gives.  I'm praying the Lord show Himself in a mighty mighty way to her so that we can begin to develop her relationship and walk.  

Join me in praise and prayer for this opportunity!